So, today is officially the first school day in over a month that i have not been called at all to sub. I had a long run from Febuary 13th to March 20th where i was called every single school day to sub. And i took them all too, with the only exception of valentines day (florist shop), and one day because i was sick. Wow. That's a lot of subbing days :). I don't know why there was the sudden rush, but french teachers really are high in demand. Especially ones who are fluent in french and know what they are doing :). Thank god for French Immersion. It is probably the reason i got hired in the first place, and it is definately the edge that has given so many days of subbing. I know others from my program who were not so lucky.
So, i have turned in my form and got my references in for a full time position in the fall... I'm not sure how i feel about that. Part of me doesn't really want things to change from the way they are now. I am a very free person as it is. I live from day to day, getting as much work as i can get. As is, life is good. People always ask me why i am subbing, and feel sorry for me that i couldn't get 'a real teaching job'. Personally, i'm not sure i want things to change from the way they are now. I love being a substitute teacher. Not only does it allow me the freedom to have a second job at the florist shop (which i love because it is a nice break, and i love working with the cut flowers). Maybe this summer, i'll talk to gloria about getting some extra training in designing? That would be a neat thing to try. I don't have the time for it now, but i will in the summer... maybe if subbing is slow in early april or if the garden center slows down in june. I would really like to try my hand at designing, as making the arrangements is my favorite part of the job.
Secondly, i love subbing because it entails far less responsability than being a full time teacher. I admit, i am not sure i want to jump right in to teaching with both feet. I love being a teacher, but i would prefer to ease myself into it. Being a full time teacher entails long hours, meetings with staff and parents, planning, preparations... and so much more. As a sub, i more simply show up for the day. I do everything i can for the children while i am there, and then at the end of the day i leave it all at the school and go home. I like being able to live it like seperate lives, and not have my job affect the rest of my life. As a teacher, i know that i will not have as much of this separation.
I am glad i am a sub because i feel i need more experience in order to be the best teacher i can be. I would say of all the skills i need to work on, my classroom management is the weakest. I need to be more firm with students. If anything can teach me to do this, subbing can. As well, i can see new ideas, get used to different grades instead of the very very narrow focus from my degree (pre-k to grade 1 essentialy). I now teach anywhere from pre-k to grade 8, but mostly in the grade 3-8 area. This is a good experience for me.
Lastly, i am glad i am a sub because i simply feel i am too young to be jumping into a career. Careers are big adult things. I don't feel like i'm ready for that just yet. Maybe in a year, but not right now... I have spent my entire life going hellbent in school. I have been in school my entire life, and i won't be leaving school until i retire. Wow. From high school straight to university to subbing to a full time job.... that's a lot of school. I even did school in the summer twice (once in quebec, once as summer classes here). I feel i need to shake things up. My life revolves around either school or Unique (where i have worked since before i was legally allowed to work haha, and still work). Familliarity is nice, but change can be good too. Subbing is the closest to change i am willing to go (and NO for the last time i DON'T want to go teach overseas so people can just stop asking).
On the other hand, i can't wait to have my own class. I can't wait to actually get to know the kids in my class. My classroom management style is not as good as it could be because i have been told I am 'too trusting'(personally, i hate the idea of going into the classroom and assuming that it will go badly). I trust children, it is true. Then again, it also has been remarked that my strongest skill is building strong, lasting, caring relationships witht he students. I think that these relationships are at least partially built on the relationships i build with them from day one. Unfortunately, when subbing i am not around long enough to build a relationship with these students. So, chaos occasionally ensues... The teacher i respect more than any other i've met is my co-op teacher Bev. She is a very sweet, 50 year old woman who acts like a sweet old grandma. I love the way she teaches because she builds her classroom around caring attitudes. She has such a relaxed, loving feeling in her classroom that the children are comfortable to take risks in areas they would otherwise be afraid to try. I want a class like that. I love the way she teaches, and after interning with her for a semester i think i can say i'm quite good at it. Even if it doesn't always work for subbing, i don't want to become a suspicious, jaded, burnt out teacher before i have a classroom of my own. There's a saying among some teachers 'Don't smile till Christmas'... I really very strongly dissagree with that.
There is also the money that comes from teaching. I'm not exactly sure how much a teacher makes, but i am sure it's more than a sub. I know that a teacher doesn't make much, but i'm sure to a girl like me who has no university debts, children or financial responsabilities it will seem like quite a bit. It will also be nice to always know what will be comming. Instead of finding out the morning of, at 7 am, i will find out in august or even sooner what i will work for the entire school year. That is nice...
Wow.... this turned out to be a lot longer than i thought it would be. I am sure there are some of you who didn't actually read the entire thing and are just sort of skimming.... well bear with me. I mostly did this to work out my own thoughts. Haha. University has trained me to write out my thoughts in order to really figure them out. lol I guess i still do it. I still am not exactly sure what i want to happen... do i want a full time job or not? Both have their benifits and drawbacks. I figure i will just sit and wait. I have done my part, now my fate is in the hands of the school board. I have been told that all subs who apply get an interview. I will go to the interview and do my best. I will see what happends. If i get a offered a position, that is great. However, i will be careful as to what position i take. I know the schools around the city, i have subbed at pretty much all of them. I know where i like, and where to avoid. I will see what i am offered. I am not applying outside the city. I would rather stay a sub than leave my home.